I'd love to go back and mother that version of you, but as this version of me; the mum I am today.

Oh how I'd love to go back to those first days and months. I was ever-present, yet never really there at all.
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My head was elsewhere, caught up in all the shoulds, in the baby books, the apps, the impossible schedules; all the perceived perfections of motherhood that felt so at odds with what you were telling me you needed.
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I followed my heart every single time. But never with conviction. Always apologetically as though I were somehow giving in. Not doing it right.
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I fought it. Like a quiet war. It was exhausting.
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I'd love to go back and mother that version of you, but as this version of me; the mum I am today. More relaxed, more rested, more sure, no longer seeking approval, embracing the fact that I will be happily rocking my boy to sleep until he doesn't need it anymore.
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It's not just our babies that grow.

Written by our amazing contributing writer Karen McMillan from Mother Truths.

https://www.facebook.com/mymothertruths/

Poems on Early Motherhood available now on Amazon.