Sleep, sayonara, it was nice while it lasted. 

Please lord, let me sleep. 

Please, please, PLEASE - I will do anything if you just LET ME SLEEP! I’m at my wits end and would do almost anything for a few hours in a row. 

I have learnt, and I am not proud of this, but I am not like other people who seem to be able to go days, even weeks on the smell of an oily rag. No not me. My mind is mush. My spirit is crushed and my mood, well to put it politely… I am snappy, ratty b****

Everything is harder when you’ve had no sleep. Washing - it can wait. Dishes - they can pile up. Getting dressed - these PJs will last another day. Patience - excuse me what? Is that even a thing? 

And then the baby starts crying and you know what, that sounds like a great idea, I might just join in too.  

I know I have to kiss Mrs 8 Hours A Night goodbye…but reminiscing about the good old days is like reliving a sexy, wild fantasy. 

I’ll admit, I took it for granted - slow sleepy Sundays. Retreating back to bed with a coffee after a glorious night’s slumber. Waking up refreshed and walking with a spring in my step.  

And it’s only when you don’t have it, do you realise that sleep is literally the answer for everything - it’s Mother Nature’s greatest gift...Hungover, sleep it off. Headache, sleep it off. Grumpy, sleep it off - and the list could go on. 

But nope, those days are well and truly gone. I’ve signed myself up for years of interrupted sleep and too many bodies in one bed - oh and why don’t you chuck in a snoring husband, upgrade it to large and call it a combo. 

The funny thing is, I was warned about this. My mummy friends would say, ‘Enjoy your sleep now while you can because once the baby comes, everything will change’. 

That was their baby - mine would be different, haters gonna hate and all that. It couldn’t be that bad, surely not? Well guess what, IT IS!! I was hastily optimistic. Expectations versus reality blew me out of the water on that one. 

You hear that grizzle in the middle of the night and you feel your eyes ache before they even open. Maybe if I stay super still she’ll go back to sleep? Maybe this is just a dream? No. Ok. Up I get...

And I can’t even say no one prepared me for this because they did! I just had no idea it would be this tough. 

I don’t think you can truly understand until you’re there, which is why when your friend says, “Oh Lou, you’ll never guess, little Archie slept through the night,” you want to do f**king cheerleading dance for them because oh my god mama you’ve had a breakthrough! No amount of sex can make you feel that good, you baby girl, you’re walking on sunshine! 

You see, lack of sleep just doesn’t look good on me - the whole dark bags under eyes, not my thing.

No truer saying has been said that the struggle is literally real. 

So sleep, sayonara, it was nice while it lasted. 

Lou, meet coffee, coffee meet Lou. I feel like we’re going to be good friends. I know you won’t leave me when the going gets tough...but on those nights it’s really rough, hello wine, you will also measure up. 

By our beautiful and honest contributing writer Lou marx.

Follow her here: https://www.instagram.com/lou_marx_/

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